i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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