I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
