And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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