I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
