i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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