drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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