btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
