Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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