I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
