Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Mom said you looked used
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
