I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Vodka?
Forever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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