we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There's always time for handjobs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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