Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
