Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
