i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
