Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
