i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
