Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
