rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
