hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
