my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
