You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
