i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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