I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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