I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
