why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
