Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
