How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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