I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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