I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
