So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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