the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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