I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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