Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
