there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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