if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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