There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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