oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
