Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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