My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
