speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
