there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
