It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
