Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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