SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
