I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
