You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
