he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
