Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
