I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
