Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
