Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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