The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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