Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
