I puked a lego.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
